400+ latest Funny bio for instagram

funny bio for instagram:- Nowadays everyone is known about Instagram, from children to youth, and almost everyone uses instagram.

    If you use instagram, that means you must know about bio, what bio is, I do not think you need to tell more about it.

     If you are looking for funny bio for instagram, for your Instagram then you have come to the right place.

    You are about to read 400+ Funny Bio For Instagram in this article,

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(1) WhatsApp status
(2) Instagram bio for boy
(3) instagram bio for girl
(4) Cool instagram bio
(5) swag bio for Instagram
(6) bio for Instagram quotes
(7) bio for instagram profile
(8) Attitude bio for Instagram

Funny bio for instagram

Funny bio for Instagram
  1. I still miss my ex – but guess what? My aim is getting better
  2. Born at a very young age
  3. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice
  4. Born to express not to impress
  5. My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner
  6. Nice guys finish lunch
  7. Save paper, don’t do homework
  8. Camping is intents
  9. Currently starring in my own reality show titled, A Modern Cinderella; One Girl’s Search for Love and Shoe
  10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station
  11. I ran into my ex today… Put it in reverse and did it again!!!
  12. I was addicted to hokey pokey but I turned myself around
  13. Don’t hit kids!!! No, seriously, they have guns now
  14. If I could sum up my life in one line I would die of embarrassment
  15. Not all men are fools, some stay single
  16. The strawberry shampoo doesn’t taste as good as it smells
  17. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks
  18. I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation… Twice a year
  19. I work for money, for loyalty hire a Dog
  20. I prefer my puns intended
  21. This is my last Instagram bio ever
  22. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too
  23. I’m so poor that I can’t pay attention in class
  24. White lips, pale face, I hate the entire human race
  25. I talk like a baby and I never pay for drinks
  26. Don’t get a woman, get a dog… They are loyal and they die sooner
  27. A lie is just a great story ruined by truth
  28. You’re right. I’m NOT perfect. But I’m unique!
  29. I only rap caucasionally
  30. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them
  31. My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-Mart
  32. When I’m on my death bed, I want my final words to be “I left one million dollars in the…
  33. Sometimes I just want to give it all up and become a handsome billionaire
  34. I will go into survival mode if tickled
  35. Sometimes one middle finger isn’t enough to let someone know how you feel. That’s why you have two hands
  36. 1f you c4n r34d 7h15, you r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d.
  37. It’s very difficult to be great. Losers prove this point continuously
  38. Trying to elevate small talk to medium talk
  39. I put the hot in psychotic
  40. I’m just having an allergic reaction to the universe
  41. I’m not smart. I just wear glasses
  42. You’re a 10, on the pH scale… Cuz you’re basic
  43. If you can’t convince them, confuse them
  44. Recovering ice cream addict
  45. Have lots of hair and like ugly things
  46. Warning!!! I know KARATE and few other oriental words.
  47. Here to serve…. the cat overlord
  48. It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it
  49. Are you a banker because I’d like you to leave me a loan
  50. Where the hell am I, and how did I get here?
  51. I wonder what happens when the doctor’s wife eats an apple a day…
  52. Whenever I have a problem, I just sing, then I realized my voice is worse than my problem
  53. I shouldn’t be allowed to go on Snapchat, Facebook or Instagram when I’m drunk!
  54. Some people are alive only, because it’s illegal to kill them.
  55. In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker
  56. Crave your heart until you don’t tear and throw away the pain that lets you down
  57. Every one is here to play a role and I’m the one who sprinkles happiness all around
  58. Needs can be satiated but greed cannot. Love can be satiated but lust cannot
  59. He was my shadow and was always with me but then arrived the darkness
  60. Live a life where happiness is a precondition
  61. Every day brings an opportunity to do something legendary
  62. I am a combo of sweet and spice
  63. In a relationship? Nah! I am in a flirtationship
  64. Funny! How sometimes you just find things
  65. Let them say it and be busy slaying it
  66. Be like that wind that can turn into a tornado
  67. I am on a journey of life. Wanna come? Ahhhh! Press that follow button then
  68. Turn that blue follow button to white
  69. You need to press that follow button to know my story
  70. I’m truly a titan cupcake. Perplexed about crazy rides and dry ice
  71. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
  72. I’m not certain what number of issues I have in light of the fact that math is one of them
  73. I changed my password to “incorrect.” Now, my password is incorrect
  74. I am half-sane and sleep deprived
  75. My laziness is like 8; Once I lie down it’s infinite!
  76. Don’t invest emotions, Love is a depreciating asset
  77. I’m looking for a bank loan which can perform things: give me a Loan and then leave me Alone
  78. We are all going to hell, and I am driving the bus
  79. I’m really not amusing. I’m just truly mean and individuals think I am kidding
  80. I am known at the gym by my “before picture.”
  81. Worst two minutes of my life when I tried to be normal
  82. I have to be funny because being hot is not in my dictionary
  83. Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy
  84. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener @[email protected]
  85. One person’s #LOL is another’s #WTF
  86. On the off chance that you don’t have anything pleasant to say, come sit by me, and we can ridicule individuals together
  87. I’m a Basset Hound devotee with a mouth like a Syphilitic mariner
  88. Being weird is the side effect of Awesomeness!
  89. I am like that beautiful river that can raise a tsunami when broken
  90. I am another beautiful dream that you cannot fulfill
  91. You see, Everyone has a story but mine is a mystery
  92. There’s a graveyard in my mouth, filled with words that die on my lips
  93. Every moment you’re with me can turn into a big surprise
  94. I’m not lazy…I’m on energy saving mode
  95. Available when getting Wi-Fi network!
  96. If you don’t know what is my name then read my name carefully 
  97. Hey there! Instagram is using my Data balance!
  98. Some days you can’t play the music loud enough
  99. If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation
  100. 7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10
  101. Funny bio for Instagram
  102. I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me
  103. Hang on, let me overthink this
  104. Just because I find you attractive doesn’t mean I like you. You’re appealing to my eyes, not my heart or mind. It is not that deep
  105. True friends are those who have nice things to say about you behind your back
  106. You live with what you tolerate
  107. Life is short. Buy the damn shoes
  108. Asking if I’m hungry is like asking if I want money. The answer is always YES
  109. You don’t kill time, times kills you
  110. My heart says hamburger but my jeans say salad
  111. We all know that one dude who’s existence just pisses us off
  112. Bitch is just a term used for girl who refuses dog’s proposal.
  113. My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!
  114. Money can’t buy LOVE but can buy WOMAN to make LOVE
  115. Gravity always gets me down. 🙂
  116. The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 🙂
  117. If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
  118. If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  119. I’m on a whiskey diet.. I’ve lost three days already.
  120. Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_
  121. Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat 🙂
  122. If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror 
  123. Life is Short – Chat Fast!
  124. I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!
  125. I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat 🙂
  126. I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos. 😀
  127. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China 🙂
  128. Whatever it is — I didn’t do it!
  129. Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it’s called #Monday, please fix it
  130. I wake up when I cant hold my pee in any longer.
  131. I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 
  132. If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  133. Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL
  134. My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
  135. You can never really say what’s on your mind, when your family is on Facebook.
  136. Life is too short smile while you still have teeth…
  137. Always wear cute pajamas to bed you’ll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
  138. Some people have relationships and some people have patiyala.
  139. If you don’t care stop talking about it.
  140. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 😀
  141. My father always told me, ‘Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
  142. TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂
  143. I think I got a fever, a fever of you 🙂
  144. Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.
  145. Most emotional moment in a boys life, When a girl says, Can you give me your number 😀
  146. Every time I drink I get awesome 🙂
  147. I’m Jealous Of My Parents… I’ll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!
  148. When I’m a Pedestrian I Hate cars.. When I’m Driving I Hate Pedestrians…
  149. She loves me or not but I love her a lot. 😛
  150. Girl, you better have a license, coz you are driving me crazy!
  151. Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.
  152. Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
  153. Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
  154. If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock.
  155. Our generation doesn’t ring the doorbell…we text or call to say we’re outside…
  156. Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
  157. Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys.
  158. I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won 🙂
  159. If life doesn’t scare the shit out of you, you’re doing it wrong.
  160. It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
  161. If College has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  162. I can handle pain until it hurts.
  163. Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.
  164. The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 
  165. Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it’s for your own good.
  166. My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
  167. I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
  168. Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
  169. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
  170. If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
  171. God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me 
  172. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 
  173. What i if told you…you the read first line wrong… same with the second… 
  174. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
  175. I love my job only when I’m on vacation…..
  176. There’s like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh
  177. We live in WTF generation – Wikipedia, twitter, facebook
  178. Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  179. I’m not short, I am just concentrated awesome!
  180. We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 😀
  181. Caution, Blind Man Driving.
  182. I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something 🙂
  183. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  184. If “Da Vinci Code” has been written by Punjabi author then its name would be “Vinci Da Code”!
  185. My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
  186. Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
  187. Nothing is illegal until you get caught 
  188. Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?
  189. I Like to study.. Arithmetic – NO … world history – NO …. chemistry – NO …. GIRLS – YES!!!
  190. I gotta go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
  191. I wonder what happens when doctor’s wife eats an apple a day. 🙂
  192. Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
  193. Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture 🙂
  194. I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
  195. When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always!
  196. Whoever says “Good Morning” on Monday’s deserves to get slapped 
  197. For all the girls that say ….. All guys are the same …… Who told you to try them ALL.
  198. Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them 
  199. Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
  200. Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
  201. Funny bio for Instagram
  202. I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 
  203. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out!!!
  204. You can never buy Love….But still you have to pay for it ..
  205. Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
  206. I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi 🙂
  207. Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
  208. Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
  209. How can i miss something i never had?
  210. Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.
  211. Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
  212. I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
  213. Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
  214. Flip a coin… If head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine. 🙂
  215. How do people write an auto biography? I can barley remember what I had for lunch yesterday 🙂
  216. I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.
  217. All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
  218. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
  219. Behind every successful man… There is a confused woman.
  220. I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday 🙂
  221. It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
  222. Excuse me! Ye lijiye aapki soch. Mujhe giri hui mili thi.
  223. Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
  224. You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.
  225. Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
  226. After getting drunk, Bachelor of Technology turns into Master of Philosophy.
  227. What do girls want? EVERYTHING!!!
  228. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
  229. Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
  230. HEY YOU, yeah I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
  231. I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice 
  232. People call me mike .. You can call me tonight..
  233. You can stay in my heart without paying single penny.
  234. Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible.
  235. Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
  236. One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
  237. I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  238. GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
  239. Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
  240. I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
  241. I speak two languages, Body and English.
  242. Friends are forever, until they get in a relationship!! 
  243. At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
  244. Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
  245. Friday is my second favorite F word.
  246. Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
  247. I am so cool, my selfie is called a kulfi!
  248. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
  249. Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..
  250. I am a combo of sweet and spice
  251. Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
  252. People who exercise live longer, but what’s the point when those extra years are spent at gym.
  253. Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you’re going to die.
  254. Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
  255. We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook 
  256. It’s been 70+ years, Tom. You’re never going to eat Jerry 🙂
  257. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂
  258. Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
  259. I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
  260. The only thing I gained so far in THIS YEAR is weight 🙂
  261. The most powerful words other than I LOVE YOU is “Salary is Credited” 
  262. Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
  263. I only need 3 things in life: Food, Wifi, Sleep 🙂
  264. TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂
  265. Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
  266. At least mosquito’s are attracted to me.
  267. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
  268. My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol
  269. Today’s Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.
  270. My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
  271. If school has taught us anything, it’s texting without looking 🙂
  272. I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them 🙂
  273. All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
  274. Try to say the letter M without your lips touching.
  275. Excuse me …. Plesae empty your pockets …. I think you stole my heart.
  276. I used to like my neighbors, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi 
  277. Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture 🙂
  278. Nothing is illegal until you get caught 🙂
  279. Admit it, you listen to other strangers conversations and mentally give your opinion.
  280. Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me. 🙂
  281. Girls work on their looks but not their minds b’coz they know boys are stupid, not blind.
  282. Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them 
  283. God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China 
  284. I think I got a fever, a fever of you 🙂
  285. Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
  286. Its better to fail than to cheat but its better to cheat than to repeat.
  287. Dear Food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat 
  288. It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
  289. Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  290. BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
  291. I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste 
  292. Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
  293. If you can’t find the key to success, pick the lock.
  294. One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
  295. Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”
  296. Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
  297. My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
  298. Caution, Blind Man Driving.
  299. Milk does the body good but DAMN how much did you drink?
  300. If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
  301. Funny bio for Instagram
  302. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
  303. Whatever it is — I didn’t do it!
  304. Tried to loose weight. But it keeps finding me.
  305. Me: I don’t wanna go to work. Bills: b*tch better have my money.
  306. I don’t like to call it revenge… Returning the favor sounds nicer.
  307. I don’t understand how I can struggle to wake up for 7 am Monday to Friday but is wide awake at 6:30 on Saturday and Sunday!
  308. Someone just called me normal… I have never been so insulted in my entire life!
  309. Clothes that are too dirty for the closet, but too clean for the laundry: Welcome to the chair.
  310. They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
  311. My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.
  312. If you don’t like me I’m cool with that, just don’t pretend that you do
  313. People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean don’t they have thoughts?
  314. Save the earth, its the only planet with beer.
  315. I hate when people say that you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Well, you don’t need running shoes to run but it helps.
  316. Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands – just like best friends!
  317. I know the voices in my head aren’t real…. but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
  318. I like hashtags, because they look like waffles.
  319. My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
  320. Marry the one who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming at a restaurant.
  321. You don’t truly know some one until you get ridiculously drunk with them.
  322. I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
  323. My girlfriend asked if I would swim across the ocean for her, and I said It’s freaking, I’ll rent a boat….
  324. My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
  325. Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable…like a coma.
  326. A secret is what you tell everyone not to tell anyone else.
  327. I believe in love and marriage but not necessarily with the same person.
  328. This girl is in need of a hug and some good luck to come his way.
  329. Dear luck, can we be friends this year please.
  330. I don’t understand why people ‘touch wood’ for luck. I mean, it didn’t do Jesus any good.
  331. There is no such thing as good luck or bad luck, just God’s blessings and lessons.
  332. Girls can survive without a boyfriend but they can’t survive without a best friend.
  333. Dear boys, what is the point of giving a fake hope? Sincerely, Girls
  334. If she catches me staring, at least I will know she was looking back.
  335. I Like to study …. arithmetic, NO …. world history, NO …. chemistry, NO …. GIRLS, YES!!!
  336. Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  337. A woman has only 2 problems. 1. Nothing to wear. 2. No room for all the clothes.
  338. Girls who have more guys as friends than girls, go through less depression and anxiety.
  339. Dear Girls … Guys don’t get hints. You have to be straight forward.
  340. Girls get 90+ in computer science but doesn’t know how to format. Boys get 40 marks but become professional hacker 🙂
  341. Man made money, but Money made man Mad 
  342. Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: “I Love You” & “50% Off” 
  343. Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
  344. Boys are great, Every girl should have one.
  345. The way he looked at her was the way all girls want to be looked at.
  346. Every girl wants to mean something to somebody. All it takes is a little text to show her she’s on your mind.
  347. No girl want to be with a guy that can’t let other girls know he’s taken.
  348. In a dictionary, first comes divorce, then marriage
  349. That moment when even Caps Lock can’t express your anger.
  350. Movies are shit, I started dancing at the vegetable market today and not one joined me.
  351. Me: This movie isn’t even scary.
    Girlfriend: Its based on a true story!
    Me: OMG that’s some scary shit.
  352. We all have someone’s phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!
  353. Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. 🙂
  354. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. 
  355. I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
  356. At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
  357. I fucking hate when I write a Facebook status and some idiot comments .I don’t get it.
  358. When ur GF blocks u on fb.
    Its called an electronic divorce.
  359. When you first joined Facebook you never thought this shit would be this addictive.
  360. Standing in the shower thinking.I really need a chair in here.
  361. I hate when my friends look great in large size clothes. and I always look like a bean bag.
  362. I love my ringtone so much, but when it rings in public, I get so fucking embarrassed.
  363. I accused my friend of being gay yesterday. He was so angry he hit me with his purse.
  364. I’ve had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. 🙂
  365. TODAY has been cencelled. Go back to BED 🙂
  366. I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
  367. My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lolz
  368. I don’t usually sleep enough, but when I do, it’s still not enough 😉
  369. Dear Lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won’t make a bad person.
  370. I want some one to give me a Loan and then leave me Alone. 🙂
  371. Hello, modeling agency? Yes! Umm. I just got 37 likes on my new profile pic, I think I’m ready to go pro.
  372. Dry fruits are just fruits that have become senior citizens.
  373. Please donate some money as I want to buy a new smart phone so that I can continue posting on the page on the go.
  374. thinks chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.
  375. The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.
  376. I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. Story of every person`s life.
  377. “ughh I`m so full”.”who wants dessert?”.”MEEE!!!”
  378. You can`t buy happiness.but you can buy ice cream,which is kinda the same thing (;
  379. Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough 
  380. Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.
  381. I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. 
  382. Dear Fridge, I will be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, Hungry as hell!
  383. “Is there gonna be food?” “Yeah””Ok then i`m coming.”
  384. Alcohol – Because no good story started with someone eating a salad.
  385. The worst thing I ever tried was being normal
  386. Two most honest people in this world, drunk people and little kids…
  387. Two most honest people in this world, drunk people and little kids…
  388. You will never find love if what youre seeking is perfection.
  389. Feeling perfectly happy being single, untill you see a happy couple.
  390. Old Saying … Think before you speak. New saying … GOOGLE, before you post.
  391. There is no excuse for cheating in a relationship.
  392. You should have two Facebook accounts. One for each face.
  393. I don’t regret my past. I just regret the time I have wasted with the wrong people.
  394. Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.
  395. It takes a lot of energy to get angry. I don’t care to use my energy that way.
  396. When you are angry, your text speed increases by a ridiculous amount.
  397. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
  398. If I delete your number, you’re basically deleted from my life.
  399. May kill you in the morning?
  400. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
  401. Funny bio for Instagram
  402. My “last seen at” was just to check your “last seen at”.
  403. Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out of it alive.
  404. Can’t talk, telepathy only!

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